Always a struggle...

Mercy Me

Changes + Randomness

Man....it's been so long since I've written in this thing. lol I just realized I failed my goals that I've written on here. hahahaha smdh.

Anyways I would say the biggest change for me now is that I have moved back to the Tri-Cities with the rents. I didn't want to but I felt that it was the best option for me right now. Saving money on rent and going back to school. Doing Phoenix online classes so I can get my Associates degree in 2 years...........................2 YEARS! and then I'm planning on pursuing a BA so ANOTHER 2 years!! 4YEARS or maybe longer in this city!! Damn...im insane right now.  honestly this ain't my favorite city but guess i gotta keep my attitude positive. I actually miss seattle. actually maybe i just miss the people and not the city. lol

hmmm..so this post thing changed..thats cool.

i think ive gotten taller...yay
or maybe i didnt...it could just be me suffering from a heat stroke. it is TOO HOT here.

Day7

So I headed up to the Tri-cities this weekend and I must say, it was so relieving. It has been so long since Iv'e been there that I forgot how calm and chill it was. With Seattle being all hectic, it was nice to just kick back and spend some time with my parents and friends. Well, anyway, today I went to church not expecting anything because it was a KM service with English subs and usually I can't seem to pay attention but the message he gave just caught my attention. And so today I will hold off on Proverbs until tomorrow and discuss the passage spoken today.

Radical Love

Rev. Kwon Young Ko

Mark 1:40-45

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I'm pretty sure people have heard this passage so many time but it's about the man with leprosy. He approaches Jesus and asks him if he is willing to make him clean. Then Jesus knowing that the man has leprosy reaches out his hand and touches him. The man was instantly cleansed of his disease from that moment. Back then people that had leprosy were considered unclean so everywhere they went they had to cover themselves with ragged clothes and shout "unclean." And of course, everyone that heard and saw the lepers, the "clean" would ostracise these people. I'm sure nobody even came close to them just because of this incurable disease that they had.

In reality we tend to ostracise certain groups of people, whether based on there marginal status in life or if they don't fit in our comfort zones, the same way the "clean" would ostracise the lepers. And who's to say that we are the "clean" ones? In God's point of view we are probably not any different than the lepers. We all have this incurable disease that we call sin. No matter how much we try to find a cure we won't be able to. We will always be unclean. This disease called sin will keep eating away at our skins until the day we die. The only way to fight this disease is to come forth and ask God just like the leper. Yes, we ask ourselves all the time why we help these people that always get under our skins or ignore/belittle our advices, but the plain simple answer is so that we can show them love like how Jesus showed his radical love to us. It was because of his grace that we were all saved regardless of how we all behaved. So as a servant of God we must continue to show his blessings and grace that he showed to us unto others. 

-

He said it better than that but it went something like that.

-Man, I don't know why but this sermon got me thinking. I don't actually think I have a problem excluding people but I do have problems not really caring. Either way both are bad. I know people that are excluded or ostracised because of certain reasons but I don't think much of it because it has nothing to do with me. I got to start showing some love and start caring more. It may not have nothing to do with me but what if it was me in that certain persons shoes? If I want to grow spiritually I have to start showing the radical love that Jesus showed to us. 

Day6

Proverbs 6

1-5

My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor,...Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

-I have this problem with just blurting out things that just isn't appropriate. 

9

How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?

-My entire life I feel like I have been asleep and still haven't woken up yet. There are so many things to be done in life and yet I still continue to take it easy. I feel like there is this other me inside me that wants to come out and be free but the current me won't let it because it has been in charge this entire time...I don't know..

Prayer

-Dear God, I ask for humbleness and wisdom. I am struggling with a lot of commitment issues and just my spirituality. It's pathetic how I have all this time to glorify you and yet I choose to do these other useless things instead. I ask that you forgive my lack of commitment, effort, and selfishness. I pray that you will awaken my heart from this slumber that I have been in. I thank you for everything you have done and in Jesus name I pray. -amen 

Day5

Proverbs 5

This chapter talks about avoiding adultery.

21

For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths.

-This verse basically summed up everything for me in this chapter. This chapter basically said to avoid adulteresses and the consequences of mingling with them. What is crazy is that I know that the Lord sees everything people do and yet I continue to disappoint him every time. I'm trying to change but I can't seem to completely change..

Prayer

-Dear God, I have read your teachings about adultery and it is something I struggle with all the time. I pray that you may just give me the wisdom to drive out this sin and the knowledge to do what's right. Help me have the discipline to avoid the ways of temptation. -amen

Day4

Proverbs 4

This passage talks about the superiority of wisdom. It also talks about the good and evil.

6-7

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

-I am still in the trying to understand wisdom. What does it mean to have wisdom? Knowledge? What does it mean to have knowledge? How does one know that their own knowledge is right? The only place I feel like I can get true wisdom and knowledge is from the bible. But how do you get wisdom? By reading the bible? Yea I'm going in circles.

10-11

Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.

-So this verse just answered my question for above. Haha 

13-17

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go;...Do not set foot on the path of the wicked...They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

-So for me it's always a struggle to hold onto the instructions taught in the bible. I'm always caught between the good and bad paths.

20-23

My son, pay attention to what I say...guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

-I want to be able to feel that life he is talking about and the health of the body. I just struggle with temptation. Temptation is a strong p.o.s. that always gets the best of me. I feel mentally weak.

24-27

Put away perversity from your mouth...Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

-Man. This is probably the toughest one. I feel like I struggle with this the most and it's the corrupt talking and attitude. It has stuck with me so long that its become a habit that at times I don't even realize half the stuff that's being said.

Prayer

-Dear God, I just thank you for giving me strength. Strength is something that I needed most so far this week. There were so many new things that I have started that it all has been wearing me out. The only reason why I continue to persevere is because of your support God. I thank you so much for that. I have got the feeling that the path to gaining wisdom is staying true to you and following your instructions. This is something I struggle with so much. Please drive out these temptations that are causing so much problems in me. And I just pray that you may just block the negative paths that delay me from moving forward towards the right path. I thank you for the perseverence and I pray that your words will continue to soak in me and that it will change my heart of apathy and hate to a heart of desire and love. -amen